


Anni-bro-sary Dinner

by presidenthomewrecker



Category: Heathers: The Musical - Murphy & O'Keefe
Genre: Anniversary, Crack, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-19
Updated: 2017-08-19
Packaged: 2018-12-17 05:13:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 593
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11844657
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/presidenthomewrecker/pseuds/presidenthomewrecker
Summary: It's Kurt and Ram's one year anniversary!One problem, though.





	Anni-bro-sary Dinner

**Author's Note:**

> this is the dumbest thing i've ever written and i'm sorry
> 
> but at least it's a break from the angst??

Kurt leans back in his chair, surveying the dimmed restaurant as he sips on his Mountain Dew.

“Pretty swanky, dude.”

While the Applebee’s one town over was anything but “swanky,” to a lunkhead jock trying to impress his boyfriend, it was of the highest caliber of classiness.

“Only the best, you know?” Ram’s cheeks burn as he fishes in his pocket. “So…I know that this is lame, but I got you something.” He’s dressed to the nines—or what he thinks is the nines. In reality, he’s just wearing a clean shirt for the first time in a week and the usual varsity jacket.

“Dude, what are you doing?” Kurt twists as Ram goes behind his chair, but Ram holds him down by his shoulders.

“J-just hold still, man.”

 Ram’s cold hands trace his neck, causing him to shudder.

“Dude, you seriously need to start wearing gloves or something.”

Ram chuckles. “Shut up. There. Just don’t get sappy about it or anything.”

A silver chain dangles from his neck, the charm shaped like a heart. Kurt looks up to see Ram grinning at him.

“Happy first, babe.”

Kurt stops short. “What.”

Ram rolls his eyes as he takes his seat again. “Bro, don’t tell me you forgot. It’s our first anniversary.”

“For what?” Kurt racks his brain for significant dates. The football season doesn’t start for a month, so that can’t be it. Maybe it was the anniversary of when he did that sick keg stand at Heather Chandler’s party?

“Since we started going out, dude.”

Kurt nearly drops his glass. “Wait, _we’re dating_?”

Ram looks equally horrified. “You didn’t _know_?”

“No. When did this happen?”

“When did this happen? We’re here for our anniversary! I told you it was a date!”

Kurt folds his arms. “Yeah, but you didn’t say it was like a date-date. I thought it was a bro-date. I didn’t know.”

“How could you not know? I told you I was gay two years ago!”

“Yeah, but I didn’t think you meant it.”

Ram pauses to pinch the bridge of his nose. “So when I asked you to be my boyfriend…what did _you_ think I meant?”

“Like, best bros?”

“ _Bro_ …” Ram buries his head in his hands. He has to take a long moment before he can even question the logic Kurt has strung together to make anything straight out of their relationship. “What about the pet names? What guy platonically calls another guy ‘babe?’”

Kurt glares. “A friendly one, Ram. A fucking friendly one.”

“And the flirting? The hand-holding? The dumb counting shoulders bullshit I always pull?”

Kurt’s face is getting redder by the second. It’s only a matter of times before he shouts something they’ll both regret. “Your hands are constantly fucking freezing. I wanted to be helpful.”

“What about all the sex?” Ram purposefully drops his voice, which only seems to make Kurt more incensed.

“THOSE WERE BRO-JOBS. IT’S WHAT FRIENDS DO.” And there it is.

The whole restaurant is staring now. Ram’s pretty sure he can see one suburban mom passed out in the back corner.

Kurt huffs. “I can’t believe this.”

Ram thumps his head against the table.

“I can’t believe you made me gay without telling me.” Kurt grumbles.

A very confused waitress places their entrees on the table, careful to avoid Ram’s head. She leaves without a word, and frankly, Ram doesn’t blame her.

“Kurt.”

He lifts his head to look into his best friend/unwitting boyfriend’s eyes to better convey the amount of confusion he feels.

“What the _fuck_?”

**Author's Note:**

> heyo check me out on them tumbles:
> 
> president-homewrecker.tumblr.com


End file.
